From afar
by ptarn
Summary: A lone mutant watches someone from afar as the X-Men battle their way through the years from the incident at Three Mile Island to the incident at Alcatraz Island. Will they ever meet?
1. From afar

**Author's Note: **One-shot fiction based on the X-Men we know from the movies. I wrote this in one go, couldn't stop before I'd finished it. The nameless mutant is one of my own creations. All other mutants mentioned are the property of Marvel Comics. I can't tell too much about it, you just have to experience it. Hope you like it!

*****

**From afar**

I watched you on the day of the Three Mile Island incident. I stood on the balcony of my hotel room, crying for the first time in months, when I saw a red streak pierce the air just above the trees. It turned in circles, sputtering on and off, like a laser beam. I saw flashing lights, heard sirenes screech and watched a helicopter take off after one of the power plants' towers had crumbled to the ground. I remember wondering what had happened, when the actual residents of the room opened the door. I'd forgotten to turn the lights off, so they saw... something. The woman screamed at the top of her lungs, the man pushed her aside and ran towards me. I jumped.

*****

I watched you on the night I almost died. The city was attacked by a group called the Brotherhood of Mutants, led by a man who called himself Magneto. I'd fled to a rooftop after taking an overdose of morphine, hoping to make the pain stop. The excruciating pain of tendons ripping free from bones, mucles being torn and rebuild, organs destroying and rebuilding themselves. My skin was cracked, blood oozing from numerous laesions. Both my hair and my nails had fallen off. I was put in a hospital by my friends, who didn't understand what was going on. Neither did the doctors. They just pumped me full of medicines, assuring me every time I was going to be okay. At the same night I chose to get away from it all, death being a real option for the first time in my life, I watched your fight against evil, trying to save us from dying.

I touched hands with Death that day. I could literally feel him in veins, penetrating me with every breath I took. Then I saw a building crumble, heard the screams of those in need... And I decided it was enough. I wouldn't fight it anymore, I would let myself be what my body was trying to become for almost three years. I wanted to help others, no matter the cost. To say it hurt like Hell would be a gross understatement. If I hadn't already tried to kill myself with morphine, I think I would still have died from the pain alone. Every fibre of my being was changed. Even I changed.

The next day showed me part of the city in ruins. I'd been out for a few hours while my body completed the long-awaited metamorphosis. It felt great. It felt horrible. I realized I could never go back to being who I was before, not ever. I was one of them now. A freak. I'd never see my friends or my family again. But I was okay with that. I'd chosen this way. Already I was flexing my new mucles, feeling my new skin, relishing in the sensations that my new senses fed me. I vowed to help wherever I could, following your example. Easy to promise. Hard to keep.

*****

I watched you on the evening the whole world changed. Or at least, it was the beginning of the change. You fought at the Statue of Liberty when I was busy packing my things from the vacant apartment I'd been living in for some time. A bright, blue light started to shine from the statue, expanding at an alarming rate. My... mutation had worsened. Or increased? I'm still not sure what word would be adequate to describe it. My mucles had grown. My whole body was bigger. My skin was almost impenetrable to most bullets and knives, as I had found out in the previous years. And three strange little bumps, two beneath my arms and one at the base of my spine, had finally matured. I was still confused about using these extra appendages, but I was getting there.

That evening heralded the beginning of a new era. I can't say if that was a good thing or a bad thing, it just WAS. Mutants were here to stay and no amount of ignoring this was gonna change that. Suddenly the world had mutants that tried to look out for both humans and mutants alike, fighting 'the good fight'. Some of the normal humans were pleasantly surprised by this. Others thought it was all part of a big, mutant conspiracy. I couldn't care less, as long as I was allowed to do what I wanted. And right now that was to find a way to get aboard a plane unseen, to follow a child molester to another country. For someone such as me that posed a serious problem, but not one I couldn't overcome. So I left without saying goodbye. I knew I would be back.

*****

I watched you the day the president changed his heart about mutants. Life had been rough on me. I'd encountered various mutants with much better fighting skill than me and even though my strength had increased over the years, I was no match for a cunning fighter with years of experience. I'd suffered. I'd even lost one of my new arms. But, like the reptile I resemble, it grew back. Slowly and painfully. I was at a loss about what to do. For a long time I had convinced myself I didn't need anyone, that I could make it on my own. I was wrong. My heart ached for another being to talk to, to feel appreciated for who I was, not what I am. Or what I'm not.

I cried for the first time since the Three Mile Island incident. It hurt. My eyes weren't really equipped for that sort of thing anymore. My forked tongue tasted blood when I brought one of my tears to my mouth. I was tired. I was alone. I couldn't take it anymore. But would I dare? Would I dare to intrude on your lives, dare to introduce myself and ask for your help? I didn't know. Until you reached out and touched my mind.

Suddenly your voice filled my head. You asked if I needed help, because you felt I was hurting. You couldn't help it, but I was scared out of my mind by what you could do. I screamed into the night, slamming shut every door I could think of to keep you out. You disappeared, leaving a faint echo of shock and... sympathy. Sympathy? For a freak like me? I didn't understand. One of the doors opened and you came outside. I heard you ask to look for me, but not hurt me. That I was fragile. Fragile? I can't die, I can only HURT! That last thought was so loud, you looked right at me, as if your eyes could pierce the darkness. The others converged on my position. Again I screamed my defiance into the night and sped away as fast as I could. You didn't follow me.

*****

I watched you on Alcatraz Island at the night of your last stand. Or at least, I think it was you. Maybe you weren't even there. But your presence was, I just know it. I'd seen the riots in the days before, brought on by a mutant who could 'cure' mutants. They'd started after the angel fled his father's building by diving through the window and soaring through the air above the waiting crowd. I was tempted, oh yes. My looks hadn't improved with the years, but my powers had. I'd grown stronger, learned to fight and I'd gotten back at every one of those bastards that almost killed me. Or at least tried to kill me. It wasn't that I didn't WANT to be normal again. I was afraid of the pain it might cause when my body would change back.

I saw the bridge being lifted, taking Magneto and his brotherhood to the island where the boy was being held. I didn't help. I couldn't. I was afraid. Afraid of YOU. Afraid of your sympathy, of you breaking through my armor and finding the real me. I couldn't bear that thought. So I turned my back on you. I'm not proud of it, but I did it anyway. I vowed to never watch you again. Until the news hit the next morning.

The number of civilian casualties was atrociously high. Magneto hadn't given a damn about the innocent people who got caught up in HIS fight. Every personnel member of the facility had been 'wiped from existence' by a woman with flaming red hair. No one knew who had stopped her or how, but it was clear the world had teetered on the brink of a global disaster. You had to have been there, I just know it! So I decided, for the second time in my life, that enough was enough. I'd visit you and ask you the one question I'd never dared ask in all my life. And I would be safe.


	2. A soft place

**Author's Note: **I decided to cut the story in half to avoid the whole 'wall of text hits you for 100.000 hit points'-feeling. Let me now what you think of this!

*****

**A soft place**

I watched your name on the door, reviewing my memories of you to work up the courage to ring the bell of your house. It hadn't been you on the island the last time, you were already dead. I know, because I visited your grave just last night. I weeped for all I was worth, ignoring the pain and professing my fault of not coming sooner, of turning you away. I whispered that I was sorry, that I should have been there, that I should have watched you closer. But you didn't listen. You couldn't listen anymore. So I swore I would keep the promise I'd made, that enough was enough.

My fingers tremble as they approach the bell. I haven't felt this nervous since I first noticed my mutation. The sound of the bell is melodious, peaceful. It dies away and leaves me standing on the porch, waiting. Then I hear footsteps, locks being turned. A gruff-looking man opens the door. His eyes widen when he sees me, but that's the only indication he's taken aback by my appearance. He turns around.

"Hey Storm, I think you might wanna see this one."

He looks at me, then steps aside, beckoning for me to come in. Just as he closes the door, a woman with white hair and a beautiful bronze skin walks into the hallway. She's not as good in hiding her astonishment as the man.

"Eh, hello there. Welcome to Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning. My name's Storm and this is Logan. I think we can skip the part where I ask why you're here, I take it?"

I nod solemnly.

"Heh, not much of a talker, eh? Storm, how about we take this one back to Chuck's... I mean, your office? Hank's still there, that way he... eh... it... can meet him too."

I don't care how I'm called, just as long as I can ask my question. I've never been much of a talker and my years of self-imposed solitude haven't improved my people skills. So I just follow Storm and Logan in silence. They take me to an office, where another mutant – with blue fur! – seems to be waiting for us. He raises one eyebrow when I enter. Storm beckons for me to take a seat opposite the desk. Logan leans against the wall beside her. The silence drags on, me staring at them in turn, until the blue-furred mutant clears his throat.

"Well, I would suggest, Storm," he emphasizes her name, "that we start by asking the basic questions. Like name, reason for coming here, etcetera. Would you like to do the honors or should I?"

"N-no, please, Hank, be my guest. I'm sure you've done this more often than I have. At least, I mean, you've been present when... You know..."

Her voice dies in her throat. I recognize her pain. I know why she doesn't finish and I understand why she's hesitant in taking the lead. But it's not my place to say these things, to let them know the extent of my knowledge. Hank nods and meets my gaze.

"Well... What's your name?"

If I were human still, I'd have wet my lips before saying anything. But I don't have any, not anymore. Instead I open my mouth, using parts of my throat that have been in disuse for a long while.

"... don't... haveee... anyyy..."

My voice shocks them. It's soft, with an almost subconsciously heard hiss in it and capable of a much larger range of sounds than a human voice. It's the one part of me I still like. If only I'd use it more. Now it feels like my throat, tongue and mouth have all but forgotten how to work together to talk.

"You... Don't have a name?"

Storm is taken aback, her natural affinity for other human beings in distress makes her see through my appearance for the first time. Logan grunts something that sounds like 'figures'. Hank motions for her to wait as he asks his next question.

"Why did you come here?"

"... I... watchsssed..."

"You watched us?"

"... nooo... I... watchsssed... HIM..."

My upper right arm points to the window, indicating the place where you're buried. I see how realization sinks in. Logan is the first to voice what they're thinking. He almost growls when he asks: "How long?"

"... sssincssse... Three... Mile... Island... firssst... timeee..."

"How old are you, No-Name?"

He sounds surprised.

"... about... fifty... yearsss..."

Hank's eyes light up. I've turned from a 'mere mutant' into something interesting. Can't blame him for his scientific curiousity, that's what he's all about. Before this becomes a drawn-out conversation, I cut him short.

"... have... quessstion..."

"Shoot, No-Name."

"... Can I... No... Wait... try... again..."

I take a few deep breaths, repeat the question several times in my head to make it come out as smooth as possible. I sit up straight, and look Storm in the eyes.

"Would you... Be my... Soft place... To fall?"

They're unsure how to respond to my question, so I continue quickly before I get cut off.

"I have... Been watching... You from... Afar for... Almost thirty... Years. I didn't... Know at first... It was you. Or rather... It was HIM. You have been... A stable factor... In my life. For the most... Part that is. I wanted to be... Like you. Protect. Save. Help. But I got shunned. Turned away. Friends. Family. They all turned away. I've tried to live alone. Tried to hide my emotions. But I couldn't. I can't. Not anymore. I want a home. People around me who accept me. Or can try to at least. I want to be able to touch. And not have someone be afraid. Or try to kill me. I've tried to kill myself once. You stopped me with your actions. I'm alone, but I don't want to be. Not anymore. I just want... A soft place to fall..."

I couldn't help myself. It hurts like hell, but the tears keep coming. They stream down my face. At least, I guess they do, because my skin isn't sensitive to those kinds of sensations anymore. I bury my face in my upper hands, not daring to look up. I gambled everything with my story. I'm scared, but I also feel relieved. No matter what, I'll get an answer. And that answer will determine my future.

A strong hand touches my left shoulder. Someone kneels beside me.

"Please, don't be upset. It'll be alright. We won't turn you away. And I know what it's like. I mean, have you seen me? Granted, my appearance isn't as strange or frightening as yours, but still... I understand. You can tell us more if you'd like, but you don't have to. You have all the time to decide. If you want us to be, we can be your soft place. We can give you what you had to miss out on for all those years. That is... If you let us."

I move as fast as I can, throwing my arms around him, holding on to him for dear life. I cry without words, pouring all my sorrow into it, my body shaking with each shuddering breath I draw. He tenses at first, then puts his arms around me as well. He's silent too. When I calm down a bit, I'm able to put my feelings into words.

"That's all I ever wanted," I whisper, loud enough for them to hear, "that's all I ever needed. I should've come sooner. But I was afraid. I've been here before, but I ran away. All he ever wanted was to help me. I didn't listen. And now he's gone. The only one who ever understood me. He was the only one who knew... Even from afar. He never met me. Never saw me. But he knew. All anyone ever needs, all anyone ever wants... Is just a soft place to fall."

*****

I watch you on the television screen, explaining about ethics. I'd seen every one of your recordings, memorized them. I wanted to get to know you like you knew me, after that brief encounter. You have become more real to me than my past life. I watched you. I watch you. You have given me purpose, a place to stay. People to call my friends. For the first time ever I'm at peace with myself. I visit your grave once a week, tell you about what I've done, what I've seen, who I've met. I share my victories with you and don't shy away from talking about my defeats. Sometimes I even think I hear your voice again.

I'm not an X-Men. Not yet. I'm still getting to know my limits, trying to finally accept my new body. I thought I had, but I was wrong. Hank explained that only by truly acknowledging what has happened to me since I became a mutant would I come to accept my new me. And by being here, by trying to help others, I'm keeping you alive. I hope you're watching me for a change. That you watch me and are proud who I am, who I will become. After hearing what happened to you, a small part of me refuses to believe you're completely gone. I mean, you were the most powerful telepath on the planet, weren't you?

Anyway... I will be watching for you. I'll recognize you when you return, I'm sure of it. And I know you'll remember me. After all, you were the one who lead me to this place. Then it'll be my turn to repay you. I'll watch you from afar, waiting for the day that I can give you what you've given me. Waiting for the day when I'll be part of your soft place to fall. Until then, professor.

I'll be watching.

I'll be waiting.

Yours truly,

Slither


End file.
